Amusements, pleasures & gaieties of the world
(John Abbott, "The Christian Mother")
It is not necessary for us to search for happiness
in dangerous and forbidden paths. The young,
inexperienced in the dangers of the world, often
wonder why their pious parents are so unwilling
that they should acquire a fondness for worldly
amusements--which appear so innocent and
pleasing to their youthful hearts.
Parents! Cultivate in your children a taste for pure and
noble pleasures--instead of a love of worldly gaiety.
Pure and noble pleasures last. They wear well. They
leave no sting behind. The pleasures of worldliness
and gaiety do not wear well. They exhaust the powers
of body and mind, and all the capacities of enjoyment,
prematurely--and leave a sting behind. That is the
reason why the Word of God condemns them--and
why Christians abstain from them.
He who acquires a taste for the amusements, pleasures
and gaieties of the world--will find his earthly happiness
greatly impaired, and will be exposed to temptations
which will greatly endanger his eternal well-being.
These worldly amusements are all of the same general
character--leading to peculiar temptations. They all tend
to destroy the taste for those quiet, domestic enjoyments,
which, when cultivated, grow brighter and brighter every
year--and which confer increasing solace and joy when
youth has fled, and old age, and sickness, and misfortune
come. Christian parents endeavor to guard their children
against acquiring a taste for these worldly pleasures,
because they foresee that these amusements will, in the
end, disappoint them--and they can lead them in a safer
path--and one infinitely more promotive of their happiness!
The true Christian has experienced the folly of a life of
worldly pleasure. There are thousands who were once the
devotees of worldly gaiety--and they will tell you, that,
since they have abandoned their former pursuits, and
sought happiness in different objects, and cultivated a
taste for different pleasures, they have found peace and
satisfaction, which they never knew before--and they
have no more disposition to turn back to these gaieties,
than they have to resume the rattles of babyhood
The silent influence in parental conduct
(John Angell James, "The Christian Professor" 1837)
Parents have a great power of influence over the
minds and hearts of their children. Their children
are almost continually with them--they are seen by
them in nearly all they do, in their habitual conduct,
and character at home. They are . . .
heard in what they say;
seen in what they do;
studied in all their behavior;
by little ears, and eyes, and minds,
which are scarcely ever closed!
The child's heart is soft and pliable to a father's or a
mother's influence. Their constant influence has been
molding him from the dawn of reason. What, then,
ought to be the parents' behavior at home? The whole
cultivation, and direction, and management of a child's
mind, from the very dawn of reason, should be carried
on with special reference to the formation of Christian
character. This should be the one thing, to which all
other things should be subordination.
The silent influence in parental conduct is far
greater, either for good or for evil, than most parents
are aware of. They teach by what they say, they
influence by what they do; and also by what they
do not say, and do not perform.
The pious parents, who embody a meek, benevolent,
ardent, and consistent godliness in their character,
exert a tremendous influence over the minds of their
children!
But oh! the dreadful contrast in the case of those
parents who are characterized by . . .
ungodly dispositions,
worldly associations,
mirthful and extravagant living,
trifling conversation, and
lack of all seriousness and spirituality.
Oh! what can be expected from such parents--but
children who regard their religion with disgust?
Every man is best known at home. Parents are
ever doing something to prejudice their children in
favor of true religion--or to prejudice them against it;
doing something to draw them into the church--or to
drive them into the world; lending a helping hand to
lead then to heaven--or taking them by the hand
and leading them to hell.
Parents! Must you employ your influence in ruining the
souls of your children--and sending them to perdition?
Oh! tremble at the interview you must have with them
at the day of judgment, and the dialog you must hold
with them forever in the bottomless pit!!
Who can wonder?
(J. A. James, "Religious Education of Children" 1846)
"You should be an example to the believers in speech,
in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity." 1 Timothy 4:12
Look into some families of professors; follow them
through the history of only one week, and see . . .
their worldly mindedness,
their gaiety,
their frivolity,
their unsanctified tempers,
their worldly reading,
their amusements,
their homage to talent,
their low esteem of holiness,
their negligence of family prayer,
their neglect of godly instruction to their children
--and who can wonder that young people, brought
up amidst such scenes, do not become pious--but go
off to the world or to sin?
Too often the children are like their parents,
and bring into the church no higher or better kind
of religion than what they have learned at home!
And thus a low tone of piety, a lukewarm Laodicean
spirit, is extended and perpetuated.
There must be a revival of piety in the parents!
It is vain to expect that a worldly-minded father,
whose spirituality, if he ever had any, has been
utterly evaporated by the exclusiveness of concern
about business and politics; or a frivolous, pleasure
loving mother, who thinks far more about adorning
the bodies of her children, than about saving their
souls--should be at all concerned about the pious
education of their children.
Recollect what a solemn thing it is to be a parent!
What a weighty responsibility attaches to those who
have the immortal souls of their children committed
to their care!
"You fathers, don't provoke your children to wrath,
but nurture them in the discipline and instruction
of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:4)
Every baby starts life as a little savage!
"Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me!" Psalm 51:5
"Every baby starts life as a little savage. He is completely selfish and self-centered: he wants what he wants—his bottle, his mother's attention, his playmate's toys, his uncle's watch, or whatever. Deny him these and he seethes with rage and aggressiveness which would be murderous were he not so helpless. He is dirty; he has no morals, no knowledge and no developed skills. This means that all children, not just certain children, but all children are born delinquent. If permitted to continue in their self-centered world of infancy, given free reign to their impulsive actions to satisfy each want—every child would grow up a criminal, a killer, a thief, and a rapist." (Reb Bradley, "Biblical Insights into Child Training")
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"Remember that children are born with a decided bias toward evil, and therefore if you let them choose for themselves, they are certain to choose wrong. The mother cannot tell what her tender infant may grow up to be—tall or short, weak or strong, wise or foolish—all is uncertain. But one thing the mother can say with certainty—he will have a corrupt and sinful heart! It is natural for us to do wrong. Our hearts are like the earth on which we tread—let it alone, and it is sure to bear weeds!" (J. C. Ryle)
"Every inclination of his heart is evil from childhood." Genesis 8:21
Duties of Parents
Richard Baxter
Ungodly parents are the greatest servants of the devil in all the world, and the bloodiest enemies to their children's souls! More souls are damned by ungodly parents, than by all other instruments!
1. Understand and lament the corrupted and miserable state of your children, which they have derived from you.
2. Train them up in exact OBEDIENCE to yourselves—and break them of their own wills. The common course of parents is to please their children so long, by letting them have what they crave, and what they desire, until their wills are so used to be fulfilled, that they cannot endure to have them denied; and so can endure no government, because they endure no crossing of their wills.
To be obedient, is to renounce their own wills, and be ruled by their parents' wills. To allow them therefore to have their own wills, is to teach them disobedience, and harden and train them to a kind of impossibility of obeying. Tell them often and lovingly of the excellency of obedience, and how it pleases God, and what need they have of government, and how unfit they are to govern themselves, and how dangerous it is to children to have their own wills. Speak often with great disgrace of self-willedness and stubbornness—and teach them what has befallen self-willed children.
3. In all your speeches of God, and of the holy Scripture, or the life to come, or of any holy duty—speak always with gravity, seriousness, and REVERENCE—as of the most great and solemn and most sacred things. For before children come to have any distinct understanding of particulars, it is a hopeful beginning to have their hearts possessed with a general reverence and high esteem of holy matters. For this will continually awe their consciences, and help their judgments, and settle them against prejudice and profane contempt, and be as a seed of holiness in them. For the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom, Psalm 111:10; Proverbs 9:10; 1:7. The very manner of the parents' speech and demeanor, expressing great reverence to the things of God, has a very great power to leave the similar impression on a child. Most children of godly parents, who later became pious, can tell you this by experience—that from early childhood they learned to reverence holy things—which the speech and demeanor of their parents taught them.
4. Let it be the principal part of your care and labor in all their education, to make HOLINESS appear to them the most necessary, honorable, gainful, pleasant, delightful, amiable state of life; and to keep them from apprehending it either as needless, dishonorable, hurtful, or uncomfortable. Especially draw them to the love of it—by representing it as lovely. The whole skill of parents for the pious education of their children, consists in this—to make them conceive of holiness as the most amiable and desirable life—by representing it to them in words and practice—not only as most necessary, but also as most profitable, honorable, and delightful. "Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace." Proverbs 3:17.
5. Speak often to them of the brutish baseness and sinfulness of FLESH-PLEASING SENSUALITY; and of the greater excellency of the pleasures of the mind, which consist in wisdom, and in doing good. Your chief care must be to save them from flesh-pleasing; which is not only in general the sum of all iniquity—but that which in particular, children are most prone to. For their flesh and sense are very lively—and they lack not only faith, but clear reason to resist it. And so (besides their natural depravity) the custom of obeying sense (which is in strength) without reason (which is in childhood is almost useless) does much increase this pernicious sin. And therefore continually labor to imprint in their minds an odious dislike of a flesh pleasing life. Speak bitterly to them against gluttony, and drunkenness, and excess of amusements.
6. To this end, and also for the health of their bodies, keep a strict guard upon their APPETITES (which they are not able to guard themselves). Keep them as exactly as you can to the rules of reason, both in the quantity and quality of their food. Yet tell them the reason of your restraint, or else they will secretly strive the more to break their bounds. Most parents are guilty of the great hurt and danger of their children's health and souls, by pleasing and glutting them with food and drink. If I should call them devils and murderers to their own children, they would think I spoke too harshly. They destroy their souls by accustoming them to be ruled by their appetites; which later in life, all the teaching in the world will hardly ever overcome, without the special grace of God. What is all the vice and villainy in the world, but the pleasing of the desires of the flesh? And when they are habituated to this, they are rooted in their sin and misery.
7. For sports and RECREATIONS, let them be such, and so much—as may be needful to their health and cheerfulness. But not so much as may carry away their minds from better things, and draw them away from their books or other duties; nor such as may tempt them to gaming or covetousness. Children must have convenient sport for the health of the body and alacrity of the mind. Such recreations which exercise their bodies, is best. Cards and dice, and such idle games, are every way most unfit, as tending to hurt both body and mind. Their time also must be limited them, that their play may not be more important than their work. As soon as they have the use of any reason and speech, they should be taught some better things, and not left until they are five or six years of age, to do nothing—thus acquiring the habit of wasting all their time in play. Children are very early capable of learning something which may prepare them for more useful things.
8. Use all your wisdom and diligence to root out the sin of PRIDE. And to that end, do not (as is usual with foolish parents) please them by telling them how wonderful they are. But train them to humility and plainness, and speak disgracefully of pride and conceit—to breed an averseness to it in their minds. Cause them to learn such texts of Scripture as speak of God's abhorring and resisting the proud—and of his loving and honoring the humble. When they see other children who are greedy for worldly things, speak of this as their shame—that your children may not desire to be like them. Speak against boasting, and every other way of pride which they are liable to. And yet give them the praise for all that is noble—for that is but their due encouragement.
9. Speak to them disgracefully of the extravagance, and pomp, and riches of the WORLD, and of the sin of selfishness and covetousness; and diligently watch against it, and all that may tempt them to it. When they see great houses, and extravagance, and luxury—tell them that these are the devil's baits, to entice poor sinners to love this world, that they may lose their souls, and the world to come. Tell them how much heaven excels all this; and that the lovers of the world can never go there; but only the humble, and meek, and poor in spirit enter heaven. Tell them of the rich glutton in Luke 16, who was thus clothed in purple and silk, and feasted sumptuously every day; but when he came to hell, could not get a drop of water to cool his tongue; when Lazarus was in the joys of paradise.
Do not do as the wicked do—who entice their children to worldliness and covetousness, by giving them all that they desire, and by speaking highly of all who are rich and great in worldly things. But tell them how much happier a poor believer is; and withdraw all that may tempt their minds to covetousness. All this will be little enough to cure this pernicious sin.
10. Keep them as much as may be from EVIL COMPANY, especially from ungodly play-fellows. This is one of the greatest dangers for the undoing of children in the world. Especially when they are sent to common schools—for there is scarcely any of those schools so good, but has many crude and ungodly ill-taught children in it; who will speak profanely, and filthily, and make their ribald and railing speeches a matter of boasting; besides fighting, and gaming and scorning, and neglecting their lessons. And they will make a scorn of him who will not do as they, if not beat and abuse him.
And there is such tinder in nature for these sparks to flame upon, that most children—when they hear others take God's name in vain, or sing lewd songs, or talk filthy words, or call one another by reproachful names—do quickly imitate them. And even when you have watched over your children at home as closely as you can, they are infected abroad with such beastly vices, as they are hardly ever after cured of.
Therefore let those who are able, either educate their children most at home, or in private and well ordered schools; and those who cannot do so, must be the more exceeding watchful over them, and charge them to associate with the best. Speak to your children of the odiousness of these practices, and the wickedness of those who use them; and speak very disgracefully of such ungodly children. And when all is done, it is a great mercy of God, if they are not undone by the force of the contagion, notwithstanding all your antidotes!
Those therefore who venture their children into profane schools and company—to learn the fashions and customs of the world, upon the pretense that otherwise they will be ignorant of the course of the world, and ill-bred—may think of themselves and their own reasonings as well as they please. But for my part, I would rather make my son a chimney-sweeper, than be guilty of doing so much to sell or betray him to the devil!
11. Teach your children to know the preciousness of TIME, and allow them not to misspend an hour. Be often speaking to them how precious a thing time is, and how short man's life is, and how great his work, and how our endless life of joy or misery depends on this little time. Speak odiously to them of the sin of those who play and idle away their time. Keep account of all their hours, and allow them not to lose any by excess of sleep, or excess of play, or any other way; but engage them still in some employment that is worthy of their time.
Train up your children in a life of diligence and labor, and do not accustom them to ease and idleness when they are young. Many children are taught no calling, nor exercised in any employment, but only such as is fit for nothing but ornament and recreation at the best. Recreation should have but a small proportion of their time. So that by the sin of their parents, many are early engaged in a life of idleness, which afterward is almost impossible for them to overcome. They are taught to live like swine or vermin—which live only to live, and do small good in the world by living. They rise, and dress, and adorn themselves, and go to dinner, and thence to cards or dice, or chat and idle talk, or some play, or idle visit, or recreation; and so to supper, and to chat again, and then to bed. This is the lamentable life of too many who have great obligations to God.
12. Let your own EXAMPLE teach your children that holiness, and heavenliness, and blamelessness of tongue and life—which you desire for them to learn and practice. The example of parents is most powerful with children, both for good and evil. If they see that you live in the fear of God, it will do much to persuade them, that it is the most necessary and excellent course of life, and that they must do so too. But if they see you live a carnal, indulgent, and worldly life—it will greatly embolden them to imitate you. If you speak ever so well to them, they will sooner believe your bad lives, than your good words.
13. Let them perceive that you dearly LOVE them, and that all your commands, restraints, and corrections are for their good, and not merely because you will have it so. If they perceive that you dearly love them, they will obey you the more willingly, and the easier be brought to repent of their disobedience. And they will as well obey you in heart as in outward actions; and behind your back as before your face. And their love for you (which must be caused by your love to them) must be one of the chief means to bring them to the love of all that good which you commend to them; and so to form their wills sincerely to the will of God, and make them holy.
If you are too cold to them, and too harsh, they will only fear you, and not much love you; and then they will love no books, no practices, which you commend to them. Nay, it will tempt them to loathe your government, and all that good which you persuade them to, and make them like birds in a cage, which watch for an opportunity to get away and get their liberty. They will be the more in the company of evil and idle children, because your terror and coldness makes them take no delight in your company. And fear will make them liars—as often as a lie seems necessary to their escape.
Parents who show much love to their children, may safely show severity when they commit a fault. For then they will see, that it is their fault alone, which displeases you, and not their persons; and your love reconciles them to you when they are corrected. Correction from parents who are always cold or angry, and show no tender love to their children—will alienate them, and do no good. Tender love, with severity only when they sin—is the only way to do them good.
If God denies you children, and saves you all this care and labor; do not repine, but be thankful, believing it is best for you. Remember what a deal of duty, and pains, and heart's grief He has freed you from, and how few children become godly—even when parents have done their best. Remember what a life of misery children must here pass through, and how sad the fear of their sin and damnation would have been to you.
Oh, this is a sad sight!
(Ashton Oxenden, "A Happy Old Age" 1870)
One would think that the longer a person lived — the more willing he would be to leave his present earthly abode. But this is not always the case.
Sometimes, alas! we see very aged people clinging to this world even more tightly than the young. We see them close to the grave's mouth — and yet loving the riches, the pleasures, the trifles of this world — with all their affections! Oh, this is a sad sight! It is sad to see a poor dying creature entering upon a solemn eternity — with a heart glued to the world which he is leaving, and full of its concerns!
When this is the case with a Christian — God often in mercy sends us some affliction. He withers our gourds which have grown up around us, that He may lead us to seek a truer and a safer shelter. He sees that we are too fond of these clay cottages of ours; so He makes the walls to crumble, that we may be content to leave them at His call.
Look at your growing infirmities, dear reader — as so many mercies. Let them serve to remind you that you will not be here always, and that this world "is not your rest, because it is polluted!" Let your growing infirmities make you long for that happier land, where there shall be no more old age — where sorrow and sighing shall be unknown — and where "the inhabitant shall never say, I am sick."
Oh, it is well for us that all is not health, and strength, and sunshine here — else we would be even fonder than we are, of our present earthly home.
Directives for avoiding dissension in the home
by Richard Baxter
It is a great duty of husbands and wives to live in quietness and peace, and avoid all occasions of wrath and discord. Because this is a duty of so great importance, I shall first open to you the great NECESSITY of it, and then give you more particular directions to perform it.
(1) Your discord will be your pain, and the vexation of our lives. Like a disease, or wound, or fracture in your own bodies, which will pain you until it is cured; you will hardly keep peace in your minds, when peace is broken so near you in your family. As you would take heed of hurting yourselves, and as you would hasten the cure when you are hurt; so should you take heed of any breach of peace, and quickly seek to heal it when it is broken.
(2) Dissension tends to cool your love; frequent dissension tends to leave a habit of distaste and averseness on the mind. Wounding is separating; and to be tied together by any outward bonds, when your hearts are separated, is but to be tormented; and to have the insides of adversaries, while you have marital outsides. As the difference between my 'home' and my 'prison' is that I willingly and with delight dwell in the one, but am unwillingly confined to the other; such will be the difference between a quiet and an unquiet life, in your married state; it turns your dwelling and delight into a prison, where you are chained to those calamities, which in a free condition you might flee.
(3) Dissension between the husband and the wife, disorders all other family affairs. They are like oxen unequally yoked--which can perform no work, because they are always striving with one another.
(4) It exceedingly unfits you for the worship of God; you are not fit to pray together, nor to confer together of heavenly things, nor to be helpers to each other's souls. I need not tell you this, you feel it by experience. Wrath and bitterness will not allow you so much exercise of love and holy composedness of mind, as every one of those duties requires.
(5) Dissension disables you to govern your families aright. Your children will take example by you; or think they are at liberty to do what they desire, when they find you taken up with such animosity between yourselves. They will think you unfit to reprove them for their faults--when they see you guilty of such faults and folly of your own. Nay, you will become the shame and secret derision of your children, and bring yourselves into contempt.
(6) Your dissensions will expose you to the malice of Satan, and give him advantage for manifold temptations. A house divided cannot stand; an army divided is easily conquered, and made a prey to the enemy. You cannot foresee what abundance of sin you put yourselves in danger of.
By all these reasons, you may see what dissensions between husband and wife do tend to.
DIRECTIVES for avoiding dissension in the home
(1) Keep up your marital love in a constant heat and vigor. Love will suppress wrath. You cannot become bitter upon small provocations, against those whom you dearly love; much less can you proceed to reviling words, or to averseness and estrangedness, or any abuse of one another. Or if a breach and wound be unhappily made, the balsamic quality of love will heal it. But when love once cools, small matters exasperate and breed antipathy.
(2) Both husband and wife must mortify their pride and passion, which are the causes of impatience; and must pray and labor for a humble, meek, and quiet spirit. A proud heart is troubled and provoked by every word or action that seems to tend to their undervaluing. A peevish, proud mind is like a sore and ulcerated member--which will be pained if it be touched. He that must live near such a sore, diseased, impatient, proud mind--must live even as the nurse does with the child, that makes it her business to rock it, and lull, and sing it quiet when it cries; for to be angry with it, will do no good. And if you have married one of such a sick or childish temper, you must resolve to bear and use them accordingly. But no Christian should bear with such a malady in themselves; nor be patient with such impatience, pride and haughtiness in themselves. Once get the victory over yourselves, and the cure of your own impatience, and you will easily keep peace with one another.
(3) Agree together beforehand, that when one is in a tempestuous, angry fit, the other shall silently and gently bear it--until it be past and you have come to your senses again. Do not both be angry at the same time. When the fire is kindled, quench it with gentle words and demeanor, and do not cast on more fuel, by answering provokingly and sharply, or by multiplying words, and by answering wrath with wrath.
(4) If you cannot quickly quench the anger in your heart--yet at least refrain your tongues! Speak no reproachful or provoking words. Talking hotly and angrily does blow the fire, and increase the flame. Be but silent, and you will the sooner return to your serenity and peace. Foul words tend to more displeasure. As Socrates said when his wife first railed at him, and next threw a vessel of foul water upon him, "I thought when I heard the thunder, there would come rain"; so you may foretell worse following, when foul, unseeming words begin. If you cannot easily allay your wrath, you may hold your tongues, if you are truly willing.
(5) Let the sober party condescend to speak gently and to entreat the other. Say to your angry wife or husband, 'You know this should not be between us; love must allay it, and it must be repented of. God does not approve it, and we shall not approve it when this heated argument is over. This frame of mind is contrary to a praying frame, and this language contrary to a praying language; we must pray together soon; let us do nothing contrary to prayer now. Sweet water and bitter come not from one spring,' etc. Some calm and humble words of reason, may stop the torrent, and revive the reason which passion had overcome.
(6) Confess your fault to one another, when angry passion has prevailed against you; and ask forgiveness of each other, and join in prayer to God for pardon. This will lay a greater engagement on you the next time, to refrain from argument. You will surely be ashamed to do that which you have so confessed and asked forgiveness for--of God and each other.
If you will but practice these directives, your family peace may be preserved.
JUBILEE MEMORIAL
An Address to the Children of the Congregation and the Sunday Schools, delivered in Carrs Lane Chapel, September 12th, 1855, by John Angell James.
My dear children. Jubilee! Jubilee! What a sweet word, what a joyful sound is this, as you will know, when I explain its meaning. You have heard a great deal about it of late in reference to myself. I have just completed the fiftieth year of my happy ministry to the congregation assembling in Carrs Lane Chapel, and they have kindly determined to mark the event with some public token of their favor. I was very unwilling that you should have no share in the joys of the occasion, and therefore requested that, instead of receiving anything to gratify the appetite, or having an excursion, which however innocent would be soon over and forgotten, you might be assembled to hear an address from Mr. Dale, and to accept a little book, written by myself for the occasion, and which, after you have read it, you might carefully preserve through all your future life, as the memorial of an event in which I believe you take an interest.
In considering what subject I should choose for this address, I soon decided that it should be in strict harmony with the occasion, and such as would help you to remember it. I shall therefore set before you three Jubilees--that of the Jews, my own, and yours.
I. You will find an account of the JEWISH Jubilee in the twenty-fifth chapter of the book of Leviticus, from which, when you read it, you will learn that it was a festival to be observed by the Jews every fiftieth year; when all slaves were to be made free, all debts to be cancelled, and all estates that had been sold by the people, were to be restored to the families to whom they originally belonged. The word jubilee signifies to restore, or bring back, in reference to the circumstances just mentioned. This festival was ushered in by the blowing of trumpets at early dawn, and by the songs and shouts of the people. What a joyful time it must have been! With what delight the poor slaves and debtors would go to bed on the eve of that happy morning which was to set them free! I suppose they would not sleep for joy; and when the day dawned, and the sound of the trumpets was heard, what shouts would fill the land! How the slaves would be seen running about the streets, shaking each other's hands, with smiles upon their countenances, and tears of joy running down their cheeks, saying to each other, "We are free! We are free! The year of Jubilee has come!" There was no ringing of bells, no firing of cannon, for neither bells nor cannon were invented in those days; but the land would be filled with the sound of rejoicing.
My dear children, praise God that you live in a country where even the mild slavery that God permitted to the Jews does not exist. I hope you often repeat the beautiful verses—
I thank the goodness and the grace
Which on my birth have smiled,
And made me in these latter days,
A happy English child.
I was not born a little slave,
To labor in the sun,
And wish I were but in my grave,
And all my labor done.
The Jubilee was a striking proof of God's wisdom and mercy to the Jews. It served many kind and gracious purposes in reference to them, some of which I will now briefly enumerate.
It reminded them that God was their supreme ruler, and had a right to dispose of them and their property.
It taught them a great lesson of kindness to their brethren.
It prevented them from sinking into lasting poverty.
It kept up the distinction of the families and tribes of the Jews, so necessary to prove the pedigree of Christ's human nature, as descended from the tribe of Judah and the family of David.
But, my dear children, there was another design of the Jubilee, which I will now explain. You know it was a part of that law of Moses of which the Apostle says, "The law was a shadow of things to come, but the substance is the Messiah." Did you ever read the book of Exodus and Leviticus? If so, you have perhaps been surprised to find so much said about the priests, the sacrifices, the feast days, and also the form, and furniture, and services of the temple; and have been led to wonder why God should concern himself so much about what may seem to you to be such little things. The reason of all this is, that those little things under the law and in the Jewish worship, were emblems of greater things under the gospel. God taught the Jews spiritual truths by outward signs, just as you know he teaches us the influence of his Holy Spirit by baptism, and the death of Christ by the Lord's Supper.
Now the Jubilee was a type, or emblem of the blessings of salvation which were obtained for us by the death of our Lord Jesus Christ. All mankind, you know, and you among the rest, have sinned against God, and are both guilty and in bondage to sin; and are thus debtors to God, and have lost their heavenly inheritance. Children, do you ever think of this? What a solemn thought it is, that you have already, though so young, sinned against God! Now "God so loved the world as to give his only begotten son" to die for us on the cross. God laid upon him our sins, which he willingly bore in his body on the tree. And now whoever sincerely repents of his sins, and truly believes in Christ, is delivered from the slavery of sin, has all his debts, that is, his sins, freely forgiven, and will have everlasting life. Thus you see, the preaching of the gospel and its blessings, constitute our Jubilee. Every time you hear the gospel preached, it is to you what the blowing of the trumpet on the first morning of the Jubilee, was to the Jews. Yes, my children, sabbath after sabbath your minister is saying to you, "the year of Jubilee has come." I will refer you to two passages of scripture, one in the Old Testament and the other in the New, where, no doubt, express allusion is made to this subject, and which are proofs that the Jubilee was intended to set forth, in emblem, Christian blessings. Isaiah 61:1, 2; Luke 4:16, 19. Before you go further, take your Bibles, and read these beautiful passages.
My children, what wondrous love it was in God to send his only begotten Son to die for you upon the cross. Yes, I say, for you as much as for me. How true is it that God is love. What a glorious description of God this is! do dwell upon it, God is love! And this is the commendation and manifestation of his love, to give Jesus Christ to suffer the cruel and ignominious death of the cross for our salvation. I have read of a family that lived in a country where people were sold for slaves. In time of a dreadful famine, the parents proposed to sell one of the children for a slave, to buy bread for the rest. It was a painful situation to be in. "Which shall it be?" they said. The eldest? "No! he is our first-born, we cannot part from him." The second? "No!" says the wife, "he is so like his father, I cannot spare him." The third? "No!" says the husband, "he is the very image of his mother, I cannot give him up." The youngest? "What!" said both parents, "yield that young and tender boy? impossible!" So they resolved to starve together, or trust in God for further preservation, rather than sell one of their children. This was parental love, and a beautiful instance of it too, was it not? What then, is the wondrous love of God? "Who spared not his only begotten Son, but freely delivered him up for us all."
Oh, my dear children, have you ever thought of this love, and the love of Jesus in being willing to die the tormenting and ignominious death of the cross for you? Have you ever gone to him and asked him to deliver you from the slavery of your evil tempers, for you know you have some? Do they not make you unhappy, yes, as wretched sometimes as a poor slave in his fetters, and even more so? Go to him and ask him to forgive your debts, and to give you your heavenly inheritance which you have lost by sin. Dear children, while the Jubilee trumpet of the gospel is sounding in your ears, and saying, "If the Son shall make you free you shall be free indeed," go to him and say, "Lord Jesus, though I am so young, I am a sinner, in mercy forgive my sins. I have many evil tempers which bring me into bondage, O give me your grace to renew my heart and make me free, that when I die I may have the inheritance which is "incorruptible, undefiled, and that fades not away." Oh what a blessed thing it will be for you, to be one of the liberated captives of the Christian Jubilee!
II. I next lead you to consider MY own Jubilee. As the Jewish festival was celebrated every fiftieth year, it has become a custom to apply the word Jubilee to any event that occurs in a fiftieth year; hence, the fiftieth year of my ministry is my Jubilee. Yes, my dear children, it is very true, and I record it with gratitude to Almighty God, I have been fifty years a minister in this town. I preached my first sermon on the 8th of September, 1805. Fifty years! What a large portion of my life! I dare say it seems to you, in looking forward to fifty years, a very long period. But to me, in looking back upon it, it seems a very short one. It seems but yesterday I came here, a young man, and now I am an old one, in my seventy first year. How justly have the sacred writers described the rapid flight of time, and the shortness of human life, by the most expressive figures; and how true and solemn is the language of Paul, "Time is short." Do improve your time well, for infancy has already, with some of you, grown into childhood; childhood, with others, is grown into youth; with others, youth will soon grow into manhood; and manhood soon sink into the decay of old age. Recollect, that what the youth is, whether good or bad--that the man is likely to be. I thank God that he saved me at the age of sixteen; and if you ever become a Christian, it will in all probability be while you are young.
Having lived in Birmingham, as a minister, for fifty years, I have spent 2,600 sabbaths, and must have preached, here and elsewhere, far on towards 10,000 sermons; and have reason to bless God for the help and success he has given me. What multitudes have been born and died, even of those that belong, or once did, to this congregation! How many of your parents I have buried, and have little doubt that many of them are gone to be with Christ, in that blessed world where there is no more death! Make it your determination to be followers of those, who, by faith and patience, inherit the promises. Seek, that when you die you may go and dwell with them in heaven. You are very happy with them on earth, how much more happy will you be with them in Paradise!
Many of you I have baptized, as well as your parents before you. Have you been baptized with the Spirit, and have you devoted yourselves to God? How many, by my ministry, have been truly converted unto God, and have become holy men and women, useful members of society, and ornaments of the church! During my pastorate the Lord has added to the church nearly two thousand members, a large portion of them have been transferred to the church in heaven, though the greater number still remain. Will not you, my dear children, desire to be one day numbered with God's people, and maintain the cause of Christ in this place when your parents are numbered with the dead?
To the children of the Sunday-school, I would say, Bless God for the privileges you so richly enjoy in this invaluable institution. It is only about seventy years ago, that Sunday-schools were established. Before that, the children of the laboring classes grew up for the most part in ignorance, neglect of the Sabbath, and all the vices to which sabbath-breaking too often leads. Yes, my children, it is an undoubted fact, that sabbath breaking is a sin itself, and does lead to many other sins. "Remember," therefore, "the Sabbath day to keep it holy." Attend the school constantly and punctually. And understand for what you are brought to school. It is not merely to learn to read, but to be taught true religion. And what is true religion? Repentance towards God, faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, and a holy life. Now this is true religion, and you are brought to a Sunday-school to be taught it. Be very diligent and very anxious to learn. Mind what your kind teachers say to you. Is it not very good of them to give up their time to you? More than fifty years ago I was a Sunday-school teacher myself, and I very well remember that one of the boys in my class was killed. He was a godly boy. I had great comfort in him. You may be suddenly killed, and therefore I advise you to be always prepared for death, by being always found in the fear of God. A godly child is as fit to die in his daily occupation, as he is in the house of God. Take my word for it, good Sunday-school boys or girls, that is, boys or girls that are very constant, always in time, obedient to their teachers, anxious to grow in knowledge and religion, will be likely to do well for both worlds, this and the next. If you follow my advice, and should live to be fifty years old, you will then say, on your Jubilee day, "Blessed be God for sending me to a Sunday-school; it was there I learned to be a godly boy, and by God's grace I became a godly man."
What a different aspect does our Sunday-school present to what it did when I came? We then had no school-rooms, but taught the children in a house in Moor Street. I would think it probable that during my pastorate nearly 20,000 children have been in our schools. And where are they now? Many in eternity. Some, we hope, in heaven; others, we fear, in hell. Many of them are now members of this church and other churches. Many in various parts of the earth, and in all conditions of life. Shall I tell you what has ruined many of these in body, soul, and estate? Why, drunkenness. Dear children, do grow up with a dread, a horror, and a hatred of drunkenness; and in order to avoid this vice, do not touch intoxicating drink. Shun it as you would a poison. Boys and girls can do without ale, wine, or alcohol.
What changes I have witnessed in the circumstances of many! Some, by the blessing of God upon their industry, sobriety, and skill, have risen from poverty to wealth; while others by their own misconduct, have sunk from wealth to poverty. And I wish you to set out in life remembering that "Godliness is profitable for all things, having the promise of the life that now is, as well as that which is to come." true religion will be your best friend for this world, as well as your only one for that which is to come. It will keep you from bad companions, and all those vices which lead to poverty. For, as an old writer once said, it will cost more to keep one vice than two children.
What a change has been made in our place of worship! The chapel in which I first preached was small, cold, and comfortless; almost hidden from view by a high wall in front; and the lane in which it stood was narrow, dirty, and slummy. How different all this from the spacious chapel in which we now assemble, and the wide street by which we come to it!
And then, what changes have also taken place in our town during these fifty years! When I came there were only 80,000 inhabitants, and now there are 250,000. Nearly twenty new churches have been built, and perhaps more than thirty other places of worship. What improvement has there been in the private and public buildings! Since then, our noble Town Hall, Market Hall, King Edward's School, the Public Office, the Corn Market, the Dispensary, and the Queen's Hospital have all been erected, and Smithfield laid out. Our streets have been lined with stone pavements, instead of the sharp pebbles which formerly blistered our feet as we walked upon them, and our suburbs have been studded with elegant villas. When I came, we had no railways, and consumed seventeen hours in going to London by coach, instead of three or four, now, in the steam carriage. We had no gas lights, but only oil lamps in the streets, which served little else than to make darkness visible, and candles in the shops and in our places of worship. There was of course no electric telegraph, no police, no water works. And then, my children, what changes in our manufactories! How we would have stared in disbelief, if any would then have told us that before we died they would make plated goods as well as convey information by lightning, as is the case now with the electro-plating and the electric telegraph! There were then very few steam engines, and manual labor was not so much lightened by machinery as it is now.
What wondrous alterations then have I seen in the fifty years I have spent here! And, my children, who but God can foretell or foresee what changes will take place in the next fifty years? Who can imagine what, if you should live to keep your Jubilee, you will witness? This town will then perhaps contain half a million inhabitants. And what still greater discoveries and inventions of the arts will have taken place. How we seem to wonder what those did who lived before us; and you will perhaps wonder as much how we got on without those things which you will then possess.
You belong to a wonderful country, and are born in a wonderful age, and you should, with true patriotism, love your country, and bless God that you have such a country. Progress, my children, in human affairs is the order of Providence. The world is always growing wiser, and I hope better; and it would be well for everyone of you to do something to leave the world better than you found it. You can, everyone of you, be in some way or other a benefactor to mankind. How anxious you should be to act well your part in all these movements! Do be thoughtful and note the changes that are always going on in the world. You are being trained for future usefulness in our juvenile missionary societies, and other organizations of the young. When I commenced my ministry, children were entirely overlooked. We never dreamt of such a thing as calling in the aid of children. No such honor was bestowed upon them then. This privilege, however, is now conferred upon you, and I hope you esteem and value it as such.
During my pastorate I have witnessed multitudes of children that have grown up to be their parents' comfort and joy; and others breaking their parents' heart by their misconduct, and bringing down their grey hairs with sorrow to the grave. To which of these classes do you belong?
III. It is now time to turn your attention to YOUR own Jubilee. "Our Jubilee," you say; "What! shall I have a Jubilee?" Yes, of course, if you live to be fifty years of age. The fiftieth year of your life will be your Jubilee. Now, here, let me solemnly ask you, and entreat you as solemnly to ask yourselves, how you wish to keep your Jubilee; in happiness or misery. Think of that birthday when you shall say, "I am this day fifty years old." Now tell me how you would like that day to be spent. You will then be receiving the congratulations of your friends for your situation and circumstances--or else their pity. You will then be miserable or happy. You are ready to say, "How can I tell what will happen to me fifty years hence?" Why, I know very well there are many things in your future history which neither you nor anyone else but God can foretell. You cannot tell whether you will be rich or poor, sick or well, living in this country or abroad; but you can tell one thing, and that is, that if you are godly, you will be happy; and if you are wicked, you will be miserable.
But you are ready perhaps to say, "Why should I think about what will happen to me fifty years hence?" In answer to that, I admit it is of most pressing importance to consider what you are now; but at the same time I tell you, if you should be alive then, your condition will be influenced at that time--by what you are before. The future, my children, depends upon, and is influenced by, the present. What you are today, will, to a considerable extent, determine what you will be tomorrow. So what you will be fifty years hence, depends, in some measure, upon what you are now. It is of great importance that you should be thoughtful about the future. I do not, I repeat, wish you to forget the present time in idle dreams about the future. There is always some present duty to be attended to. Mind that. Do that. And let nothing draw away your attention from that. But still, you must also look on to the future, for the future will come; and you must prepare and provide for it. Well, now, shall I tell you what will, in all probability, ensure you a happy Jubilee?
True religion, a good education, diligence in learning your business, good habits of general conduct, and striving to make others happy.
Begin with true piety. Remember your Creator in the days of your youth. Fear God. Love Christ. Hate sin. Seek to be good and holy. Read your Bible and pray to God daily. Think of the words you have learned—
'Tis Religion that will give
Sweetest pleasures while we live;
'Tis Religion must supply
Solid comfort when we die.
Next to this, be very anxious to improve your minds. Do not be idle at school. Eagerly desire to learn. Get knowledge. Knowledge is power, pleasure, and means of usefulness.
When sent apprentice, diligently learn your trade or profession, whatever it may be. Strive to excel. Do not be satisfied with mediocrity. And form good general habits of industry, punctuality, perseverance, frugality. Nor must you omit to endeavor to make others happy. I lately read, in the life of a very wise and very witty man, something like the following directions how to make every day happy.
When you rise in the morning, form a resolution to make, at least, one person happy that day. It is easily done. There is your mother, say a very kind word, or do a very kind action for her as soon as you see her. She will think upon it with joy all the day. There are your brothers or sisters, give up something you like and which they want—it will delight them all day. Or there is a poor widow or some other distressed person to whom you might give a penny, or, by your parents' permission, an old cast off garment—why, it will make them happy all day. Now, as there are, you know, three hundred and sixty five days in the year, you would thus make three hundred and sixty five people in a year happy for a day. Now calculate, for most of you know a little arithmetic, how many people you would make happy for a day, supposing you are now ten years of age, and should live to keep your Jubilee. You can easily add that little sum. See how much happiness you may communicate in going through life! What a poor, base, contemptible life, it is to live wholly for ourselves! Besides, the way to be happy ourselves, is to make others happy—for selfish people cannot be happy people.
Now, my dear children, if you will follow my advice, and act thus, then your Jubilee will be kept with joy by yourselves and your friends; and you will say on your birthday, when fifty years old, "I this day remember what was said and done at Mr. James' Jubilee. I recollect Mr. Dale's address, and what was said to me in Mr James's little book, which he gave me, and which I have kept to this day. And it was that address, and that book, which had great influence, by God's grace, in making me this day what I am, holy, useful, and happy."
But, my children, if you do not attend to this advice, but act differently; if you live a wicked life, neglect to cultivate your mind and to learn your business, and should form bad habits, your Jubilee will be a miserable day when it comes. You will have a sad heart, a guilty conscience, and perhaps a broken constitution, and a miserable home, and will bitterly exclaim, "Oh, that I had hearkened to the advice given me at Mr James's Jubilee and in his little book!"
But here I must remind you that a large number of you will never reach fifty years of age. There will be no Jubilee for scores and hundreds of you. The grave, the grave will have received you to its dreary abode. Many of you will die before you are twenty years of age; many more before you are thirty, forty, or fifty. Let me entreat you, then, to prepare for death! How? By true religion. Piety is the only preparation for heaven. If you fear God and love Christ, death will be your gain. You will then keep Jubilee in heaven with the angels of God and the spirits of just men made perfect, on the banks of the river of life, and beneath the branches of the tree of life. He that has true religion may go on to meet death without fear, rejoicing in the hope of a glorious heaven and a happy immortality. Take the following maxims for your guide—
True religion will be your best friend for both worlds.
The eye of God is always upon you, and he is present when no other is near.
Godliness is the best of all things, for it makes bitter things sweet and sweet things sweeter.
What a boy would be as a man, let him seek to be that while a boy—the boy is the father of the man.
Jesus Christ, while young, was subject to his parents; a dutiful son is, therefore, like Christ, when he was young. And what an honor to be like Christ.
Sin is deceitful as well as wicked, leading you to commit great sins by first tempting you to little ones; and leading you into habits of sin by asking for only one sin at a time. "Only this once," is Satan's way of beguiling you into a course of sin. What ought not to be done at all should not be done once.
Avoid the first wrong step.
There are three things, which if lost, can never be recovered—time, opportunity, and the soul.
A holy and useful life is more to be desired than a long or a prosperous one.
Now, my dear children, in a very few years at most I must leave you, and I again say I hope you will keep this little book in remembrance of me. Carefully preserve it. Often look at it and read it. And as often as you read it think you hear me saying to you, "When all has been heard, the conclusion of the matter is: fear God and keep His commands, because this is for all humanity. For God will bring every act to judgment, including every hidden thing, whether good or evil." (Ecclesiastes 12:13-14)
Though I must leave you, yet God, I hope, will long preserve Mr Dale to you; and it is my prayer that he may keep his Jubilee in this congregation with as much pleasure as I am now spending my Jubilee year, and that many of you may keep it with him. If my ministry has not yet been blessed to you, I pray God that his may be. May you be his joy now, and crown of rejoicing in the day of Christ. Attend his ministry. Follow his counsels. Be his comfort. And when all the changes of this life are over, may I meet you in heaven, to keep Jubilee forever in the presence of God and the Lamb!
The domestic slave
(J. A. James, "Female Piety--The Young Woman's
Guide Through Life to Immortality")
There are various kinds of slavery in the world, and
many classes of victims of this cruel bondage. There is
among others, the domestic slave, whose tyrant is her
husband--and the scene of her bondage, her home!
His stinginess allows her scanty supplies for bare
necessities. His selfishness is so engrossing and exacting,
that his demands for his own personal ease and indulgence
are incessant, and leave her no time for the consideration
of her own comfort. His disposition is so bad, that all her
diligence to please are unavailing to give him satisfaction,
or to avert the sallies of his irritability, discontent, and
complaints.
When such a man protests against Negro-slavery, let him
begin the work of emancipation at home, by raising the
oppressed woman he holds in bondage there, from the
condition of a drudge--into the station of a wife!
But there are also many sad cases in which the slavery is
self-imposed! The bondage comes from the wife herself!
The husband would gladly release her--but she will not
let him!
Some are slaves to neatness--and make their fidgety
anxiety about this matter a misery to themselves and
all around them!
Others are slaves to fashion--and are always anxious
and troubled about elegance and refinement!
Others are slaves to domestic display, parties and
amusements--and are always full of anxiety about
making a splendid appearance!
Others are slaves to frugality--and are ever vexing
themselves to economize!
In these ways women will torment themselves and fill
their minds with unnecessary cares and self-imposed
troubles! To all such we say, "Martha, Martha, you are
anxious and troubled about so many things!"
Suppose your child was dying
(James Smith, "Our Father and Comforter")
Surely, if parents realized the value of their children's souls; if they had a vivid sight of the danger to which they are exposed; if they felt that they must be saved by the Lord Jesus — or perish for ever — then they would act very differently toward them!
Could a parent, if he believed the Scriptural representation of hell, as a place of torment; and saw that his child hung over that ever-burning lake as by a thread — and might, at any moment, by some accident, be plunged into the bottomless abyss; I say, if he saw and believed this — could he let his child go on, day after day, and month after month, without the tender expostulation, the affectionate appeal, and the heart-felt prayer with him? I think not!
Alas! alas! We do not half believe . . .
in the horrors of hell,
in the danger of our children, and
in the absolute necessity of faith in Christ, in order to for them to be saved — or we could never live as we do!
What anxiety is manifested about their health and their education; and what indifference about their never-dying souls! One feels at times ready to conclude that many professing Christian parents must be half infidels, or wholly insane — to act as they do!
Reader, suppose your child was dying. His pulses are faint and few. He breathes short and hard. You approach his bedside. You take his hand in yours. He asks, "Father, did you believe I was a sinner? Did you know that it was possible I might die young? Were you aware that, without faith in Christ — I must perish forever? Did you, father?"
"I did, my child."
"Then how could you be so cruel, so hard-hearted, as to treat me in the way you have? You never took me aside to talk to me seriously. You never endeavored to impress upon my mind the importance of spiritual things. You never earnestly warned me to flee from the wrath to come. You never lovingly invited me to the Lord Jesus Christ. You never prayed with me as if you believed I was in danger of going to hell, and could only be saved by the grace of God. You were very earnest about temporal things — but indifferent about spiritual realities. You knew that I was going to hell — and you did not try to prevent it. Now I am lost! Lost for ever — and you are the cause of it! Or, at least, you are accessory to my everlasting damnation!"
Or, suppose you were before the Great White Throne, and the Judge seated thereon, and you meet your children there. One of them points to you, and says, "There is my mother! She showed great concern about my body — but she never showed anxiety about my soul. She never knelt by my side in prayer. I never heard her plead with God for my soul, nor did she ever, in downright earnest, plead with me. I charge her, before the Judge of all — with cruelty to my soul; and throughout eternity I shall curse the day that ever I had such a parent! No name will excite my enmity, or draw forth my bitter reproaches, like the name of my mother! I am lost, lost forever — and my mother never heartily tried to prevent it!"
Parents, how could you bear this? Parents, parents! By all the tender ties that unite you to your children, I beseech you to seek, first, principally, and most earnestly — the conversion of your children!
The advantages and blessings of family worship
(Arthur Pink, "Family Worship")
"Pour out Your wrath on the heathen that do not acknowledge You—and on the families that do not call upon Your name!" Jeremiah 10:25
We wonder how many of our readers have seriously pondered these awe-inspiring words! Observe what fearful threatenings are pronounced against those who disregard family worship! How unspeakably solemn to find that prayerless families are here coupled with the heathen, who do not acknowledge the Lord.
How loudly should these words speak to us! It is not enough that we pray as private individuals; we are required to honor God in our families as well. Each day, the whole household should be gathered together to bow before the Lord—to confess their sins, to give thanks for God's mercies, to seek His help and blessing. Nothing must be allowed to interfere with this duty—all other domestic arrangements are to bend to it. The head of the house is the one to lead the devotions. If he is absent—or seriously ill—or an unbeliever, then the wife should take his place. But under no circumstances, should family worship be omitted. If we would enjoy the blessing of God upon our family—then let its members gather together daily for praise and prayer. "Those who honor Me—I will honor" is His promise.
All our domestic comforts and temporal mercies, issue from the loving-kindness of the Lord. The least we can do in return, is to gratefully acknowledge together, His goodness to us as a family. Excuses against the discharge of this sacred duty—are idle and worthless! Of what avail will it be when we render an account to God for the stewardship of our families—to say that we had no time available? The more pressing are our temporal duties—the greater our need of seeking divine help. Nor may any Christian plead that he is not qualified for such a work—gifts and talents are developed by use—and not by neglect.
Family worship should be conducted reverently, earnestly and simply. It is then, that the little ones will receive their first impressions, and form their initial conceptions of the Lord God. Great care needs to be taken, lest a false idea of the Divine Character be given to them.
The advantages and blessings of family worship are incalculable! First, family worship will prevent much sin. Daily prayer in the home, is a blessed means of grace for allaying those unhappy passions to which our common nature is subject. It awes the soul, conveys a sense of God's majesty and authority, and sets solemn truths before the mind. How can those who neglect the worship of God in their families—look for peace and comfort therein?
Personal piety in the home is the most influential means, under God, of conveying piety to the little ones. Children are largely creatures of imitation, loving to copy what they see in others.
Finally, family prayer gains for us the presence and blessing of the Lord. There is a promise of His presence which is peculiarly applicable to this duty, "Where two or three are gathered together in My name—I am there among them." Matthew 18:20. Many have found in family worship, that help and communion with God—which they sought for with less effect in private prayer.
When you stand over your child's dead body
(Charles Spurgeon)
May you so live, that when you stand over your child's dead body, you may never hear a voice coming up from that clay, "Father, your negligence was my destruction! Mother, your prayerlessness was the instrument of my damnation!"
"Impress these words of Mine on your hearts and minds . . . Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." Deuteronomy 11:18-19
The Wedding Ring
"The Salve of Divinity—on the Sore of Humanity"
by William Secker, 1658
"The Lord God said—It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Genesis 2:18
Human misery is to divine mercy, as a black foil to a sparkling diamond, or as a sable cloud to the sunbeams. "Lord, what is man, that you are mindful of him?" Man is—
In his creation, angelical;
in his corruption, diabolical;
in his renovation, theological;
in his translation, majestical.
Man is—
1. An Angel in Eden.
2. A Devil in the World.
3. A Saint in the Church.
4. A King in Heaven.
There were four silver channels in which the crystal streams of God's affection, ran to man in his creation.
1. In his Preparation.
2. In his Assimilation.
3. In his Coronation,
4. In his Association.
1. In his Preparation: Other creatures received the charter of their beings by a simple fiat—but there was a consultation at man's forming, not for the difficulty of the work—but for the dignity of the work. The painter is more studious about his masterpiece. The four elements were taken out of their elements, to make up the perfection of man's complexion; the fire was purified, the air was clarified, the water was purged, the earth was refined. When man was molded, heaven and earth were married; a body from the one was espoused to a soul from the other.
2. In his Assimilation: Other creatures were made like themselves—but man was made like God, as the wax has the impression of the seal upon it. It is admirable to behold so fair a picture—on such coarse canvas, and so bright a character—on such dark paper.
3. In his Coronation: He who made man and all the rest, made man over all the rest. He was a little lord of great lordship; this king was crowned in his cradle.
4. In his Association: Society is the solace of humanity; the world would be a desert without a consort.
Most of men's parts are made of pairs; now he who was double in his perfection, must not be single in his condition: "The Lord God said—It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Genesis 2:18
These words are like the iron-gate that opened to Peter of its own accord, dividing themselves into three parts.
1. An instruction, "The Lord God said"
2. An assertion, "It is not good for the man to be alone"
3. A determination, "I will make a helper suitable for him."
In the first, there is a majesty proposed.
In the second, there is a malady presented.
In the third, there is a remedy provided.
Once more, let me put these sweet grapes into the press.
1. The sovereignness of the expression, "The Lord God said"
2. The solitariness of the condition, "It is not good for the man to be alone"
3. The suitableness of the provision, "I will make a helper suitable for him."
In the first, there is the worth of Veracity,
In the second, there is the want of Society,
In the third, there is the work of Divinity.
Luke 1:70, "As he spoke by the mouth of his prophets." In other scriptures he used their mouths—but in this, he made use of his own mouth. They were the organs—and he the breath; they were the streams—and he the fountain. How he spoke—it is hard to be spoken, whether eternally, or internally, or externally. We are not to inquire into the manner of speaking—but into the matter that is spoken; which leads me like a directing star from the suburbs—to the city, from the porch—to the palace, from the founder of the mine—to the treasure that is in it. "It is not good for the man to be alone"
Take this in two branches:
1. As it is limited to one man.
2. As it is lengthened to all men.
First, as it is limited to one man, and so it is taken particularly—"man" for the first man. When all other creatures had their mates, Adam had none. Though he was the emperor of the earth, and the admiral of the seas—yet in paradise, he was without a companion. Though he was truly happy—yet he was not fully happy. Though he had enough for his board—yet he had not enough for his bed. Though he had many creatures to serve him—yet he wanted a creature to solace him. Though he was compounded in creation, he must be completed by conjunction. Though he had no sin to hurt him, then he must have a wife to help him, "It is not good for the man to be alone".
Secondly, as it is lengthened to all men, and so it is taken universally. "Marriage is honorable unto all." It is not only warrantable—but honorable.
The whole Trinity has conspired together to set a crown of glory upon the head of Matrimony.
1. God the Father; Marriage was a tree planted within the walls of paradise; this flower first grew in God's garden.
2. The Son; Marriage is a crystal-glass, wherein Christ and the saints do see each others faces.
3. The Holy Spirit; by his overshadowing of the blessed Virgin. Well might the world, when it saw her pregnancy, suspect her virginity—but her matrimonial condition was a grave to that suspicion; without this, her innocency would not have prevented her infamy. She needed a shield to defend that chastity abroad, which was kept inviolable at home.
Too many that have not worth enough to preserve that virginity—have yet will enough to cover their unchastity. Turning the medicine of frailty into the mantle of filthiness. Certainly she is mad—who cuts off her leg to get her a crutch, or who mangles her face to wear a mask.
Paul makes it one of the characters of those who deny the faith, "They forbid people to marry." 1 Tim. 4:3. Not to forbear marriage, which may be lawful—but to forbid it, which is sinful.
It is strange that the Church of Rome should make that a pollution—which was instituted before corruption; or that impurity—which was ordained in the state of innocency; or that they should make that to be a sin—which they make to be a sacrament. But a bastard may be laid at the door of chastity, and a leaden crown set upon a golden head.
Bellarmine, that mighty Atlas of the Papal power, blows his stinking breath upon marriage saying, "Better were it for a priest to defile himself with many harlots—than to be married to one wife." These children of the purple whore prefer their monasteries before our marriages; a concubine before a companion. They use too many for their lusts—to choose any for their love. Their tables are so largely spread, that they cannot feed upon one dish.
As for their exalting of a virgin-state—it is like him who commended fasting, when he had filled his belly.
Who knows not, that virginity is a pearl of sparkling luster? But cannot the one be set up—without the other being thrown down? Will no oblation pacify the former—but the demolishing of the latter? Though we find many enemies to the choice of marriage—yet it is rare to find any enemies to the use of marriage. They would pick the lock—who lack the key; and pluck the fruit—who do not plant the tree.
The Hebrews have a saying, "He is not a man—who has not a woman." Though they climb too high a bough—yet it is to be feared, that singleness is full of imperfection; that is not tending to propagation. Though man alone may be good—yet it is not good that man should be alone; which leads me to the next point, "It is not good for the man to be alone".
Now, it is not good that man should be in a single condition, upon a threefold consideration.
1. It is not good in respect of sin—which would not else be prevented. Marriage is like water, to quench the sparks of lust's fire. "Because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband." Man needed no such remedy when he was in perfect health. Temptations may break nature's best fence, and lay its paradise waste—but a single life is a prison of unruly desires, which is daily attempted to be broken open.
Some indeed force themselves to a single life, merely to avoid the responsibilities of a married state. They had rather fry in the grease of their own sensuality, than extinguish those flames with an allowed remedy. "It is better to marry than to burn with passion." It is better to be lawfully coupled—than to be lustfully scorched. It is better feeding these flames with ordinary fuel.
2. It is not good in respect of mankind—which then would not be propagated. The Roman historian relating the raping of the Sabine women, excused it thus—"without them mankind would fall from the earth and perish." Marriages do turn mutability into the image of eternity. Marriage springs up new buds, when the old are withered. It is a greater honor for a man to be the father of one son, than to be the master of many servants. Without a wife, children cannot be had lawfully; without a good wife, children cannot be had comfortably. Man and woman, as the stock and the scion, being grafted by marriage—are trees bearing fruit to the world.
Marriage is the first link of human society, to which all the rest are joined. Mankind would have long ago decayed—if those breaches which are made by mortality, were not repaired by matrimony.
3. It is not good in regard of the Church—which could not then have been propagated. Where there is no generation, there can be no regeneration. Nature makes us creatures, before grace makes us Christians. If the loins of men had been less fruitful—the death of Christ would have been less successful.
One said, "Marriage fills the earth—but virginity fills the heavens." But another answered, "How can the heavens be full—if the earth is empty?"
Had Adam lived in innocency without matrimony, there would have been no servants of God in the Church militant, nor any saints with God in the Church triumphant. But I will not sink this vessel—by the over-burdening of it; nor press this truth to death—by laying too great a load upon its shoulders.
There is one knot which I must untie before I make a further progress, "It is good for a man not to marry." 1 Corinthians 7:1
Do all the scriptures proceed out of the same mouth—and do they not all speak the same truth? The God of unity—will not write discord; and the God of verity—cannot assert falsehood. If good and evil are contraries—how contrary then are these scriptures! Some say that either Moses mistakes God—or Paul mistakes Moses about the point of marriage. To which I shall give a double answer.
There is a public good—and a private good. In respect to a particular man, it may be good for him not to marry. But in respect of all men in general—it is not good that man should be alone.
Moses speaks of the state of man created—Paul of the state of man corrupted. Now that which by institution was a mercy—may by corruption become a misery; as pure water is tainted by running through a miry channel, or as the sun's beams receive a tincture by shining through a colored glass. There is no print of evil in the world—but sin has the stamp which made it. Those who seek nothing but weal in its commission, will find nothing but woe in the conclusion.
This leads me from the solitariness of the condition, "It is not good for the man to be alone"—to the suitableness of the provision, "I will make a helper suitable for him." In which you have two parts:
1. The agent, "I will make."
2. The object, "a helper."
First, the agent—"I will make." We cannot build a house without tools. But the Trinity can create without tools—and without materials. To God's omniscience there is nothing invisible; and to God's omnipotence there is nothing impossible.
We must work with our hands—but God works without hands. He who made man fit for help—makes a helper fit for man. Marriages are consented above—but consummated below. "He who finds a wife finds what is good—and receives favor from the Lord." Proverbs 18:22. Though every man needs supply—yet no man cannot supply his needs. "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights." A wife, though she is not a perfect gift—yet she is a good gift. These beams are all darted from the Sun of Righteousness.
Have you a soft heart? It is of God's breaking. Have you a sweet wife? She is of God's making. Let me draw up this expression—with a double application.
When you are looking for such a good wife on earth—look up to the God of heaven. Let him make your choice for you—who has made his choice of you. Look above you—before you look around you. Nothing makes up the happiness of a married condition—like the holiness of a godly disposition. Do not account those the most worthy women—who are the most wealthy women. Are you matched to the Lord? Match in the Lord. How happy are such marriages—where Christ is at the wedding! Let none but those who have found favor in God's eyes—find favor in your eyes!
Give God the praise for your good companion. Take heed of paying your rent—to a wrong landlord. When you taste of the stream, reflect on the spring which feeds it. Now you have four eyes for your speculation, four hands for your operation, four feet for your ambulation, and four shoulders for your sustenation. What the sin against the holy Spirit is in point of divinity, that is unthankfulness in point of morality—an unpardonable offence! Pity it is, that the moon will not acknowledge her beams to be borrowed from the sun. He who praises not the giver, prizes not the gift. I pass from the agent to
Second, the object—"a helper". She must be so much—and no less; and so much—and no more. Our ribs were not ordained to be our rulers. They are not made of the head—to claim superiority; but out of the side—to be content with equality. They desert the Author of nature—that invert the order of nature. The woman was made for the man's comfort—but the man was not made for the woman's command. Those shoulders aspire too high—which are not content with a room below their head.
It is between a man and his wife in the house, as it is between the sun and the moon in the heavens; when the greater light goes down—the lesser light gets up. When the one ends in setting—the other begins in shining. The wife may be a sovereign in her husband's absence—but she must be subject in her husband's presence. As Pharaoh said to Joseph, so should the husband say to his wife, "You shall be in charge of my palace, and all my people are to submit to your orders. Only with respect to the throne will I be greater than you." Genesis 41:40. The body of that household can never make any good motion—whose bones are out of place.
The woman must be a helper to the man in these four things:
To his Piety,
To his Society,
To his Progeny,
To his Prosperity.
To her husband's piety, by the ferventness of her sanctification.
To his society, by the fragrantness of her conversation.
To his progeny, by the fruitfulness of her education.
To his prosperity, by the faithfulness of her preservation.
1. A wife should be a helper to her husband's PIETY, by the ferventness of her sanctification. "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." 1 Peter 3:3-4
Husband and wife should be as the two milk cows—which were coupled together to carry the ark of God. Or as the two Cherubim, which looked upon one another, and both upon the mercy-seat. Or as the two tables of stone, on each of which were engraved the laws of God. In some families married people are like Jeremiah's two baskets of figs—the one very good, the other very evil. Or like fire and water—while the one is flaming in devotion, the other is freezing in corruption. There is a two-fold hindrance in holiness:
First, on the right side. When the wife would run in God's way—the husband will not let her go. When the fore horse in a team will not draw properly—he wrongs all the rest. When the general of an army forbids a march—all the soldiers stand still.
Secondly, on the left side. How did Solomon's idolatrous wives draw away his heart from Heaven! A sinning wife was Satan's first ladder, by which he scaled the walls of Paradise, and took away the fort royal of Adam's heart from him. Thus she who should have been the help of his flesh—was the hurt of his faith. She who should be a crown on the head—is a cross on the shoulders. The wife is often to the husband, as the ivy is to the oak—which draws away his vital sap from him.
2. A wife should be a helper to her husband's SOCIETY, by the fragrantness of her conversation. Man is an affectionate creature. Now the woman's behavior should be such towards the man, as to require his affection, by increasing his delectation; that the new-born love may not be blasted—as soon as it is blossomed; that it may not be ruined—before it be rooted. A spouse should carry herself so to her husband, as not to disturb his love by her contention, nor to destroy his love by her alienation. Husband and wife should be like two candles burning together, which make the house more lightsome; or like two fragrant flowers bound up in one bouquet, which augments its redolence; or like two well-tuned instruments, which sounding together, make the more melodious music. Husband and wife—what are they but as two springs meeting, and so joining their streams that they may make but one current? It is an unpleasing spectacle to view any contention, in this conjunction.
3. A wife should be a helper to her husband's PROGENY, by the fruitfulness of her education; so that her children in the flesh may be God's children in the spirit. "Train a child in the way he should go—and when he is old he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6. Hannah vows, that if the Lord will give her a son, by bearing him—she will return that son to the Lord by serving him. A mother should be more careful of her children's pious breeding, than she should be fearful of her children's worldly bearing. Take heed lest these flowers grow in the devil's garden! Though you bring them out in corruption—yet do not bring them down to damnation! Those are not mothers—but monsters—who while they should be teaching their children the way to heaven with their lips—are leading them to hell with their lives! Godly training is the best livery you can give them living; and it is the best legacy you can leave them dying.
You let out your efforts to make them great; lift up your prayers to make them godly—that before you die from them, you may see Christ live in them. While these twigs are green and tender, they should be bowed towards God. Children are in a family—as passengers are in a boat; husband and wife, they are as a pair of oars to row them to their desired haven. Let these small pieces of timber be hewed and squared for the celestial building. By putting a scepter of grace into their hands—you will set a crown of glory upon their heads!
4. A wife should be a helper to her husband's PROSPERITY, by her faithful preservation, being not a wanderer abroad—but a worker at home. "To be self-controlled and pure, to be workers at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God." Titus 2:5.
One of the ancients speaks excellently: "She must not be a field-wife, like Dinah; nor a street-wife, like Tamar; nor a window-wife, like Jezebel."
Phidias, when he drew a woman, painted her as sitting under a snail shell, that she might imitate that little creature—which goes no further than it can carry its house upon its head.
How many women are there, who are not laboring bees—but idle drones! They take up a room in the hive—but bring no honey to it! They are moths to their husband's estates, spending when they should be sparing! As the man's part is to provide industriously, so the woman's part is to preserve discreetly! The husband must not be carelessly wanting; the wife must not be causelessly waiting. The man must be seeking with diligence—and the woman must be saving with providence. The rooster and hen both scrape together in the dust-heap, to pick up something for their little chicks. "She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness." Proverbs 31:27
To wind up this section—
1. If the woman is a help to the man—then let not the man cast dirt on the woman.
Secundus treated his wife like a servant! But surely he was a monster—and not a man! He was fitter for a tomb to bury him—than a womb to bear him!
Some have styled their wives to be like clouds in the sky; like motes in the sun; like snuffs in the candle; like weeds in the garden.
It is evil to play the butcher with that gentle gender, which has no arms but for embraces. Because they are the weaker vessels—shall we break them all to pieces! You that say that your wife is evil; it may be that your expression flows from your experience—but I shall never take that mariner for my pilot, who has no better knowledge than the wrecking of his own ship! To blast your helper—is to blame your Maker. In a word, we took our birth from their bellies—and may take our rest in their bosoms.
2. Is the woman to be a help to the man? Then let the man be a help to the woman. What makes these debtors be such bad pay-masters—but because they look at what is owing to them—but not at what is owing by them? If you would have your wife's reverence, let her have your respect.
To force a wife by fear, is that which neither befits the husband's authority to enjoin, nor the wife's duty to perform. A wife must never be sharply driven—but sweetly drawn. Compassion may bend her—but compulsion will break her! Husband and wife should act towards each other with consent—not by constraint!
There are four things wherein the husband is a proper help to the wife.
1. First, in his protecting her from INJURIES. It is well observed, that the rib of which woman was made, was taken from under the man's arm. As the use of the arm is to keep off blows from the body, so the office of the husband is to ward off blows from the wife. The wife is the husband's treasury, and the husband should be the wife's armory. In darkness, he should be her sun for direction! In danger—he should be her shield for protection!
2. In his providing for her NECESSITIES. The husband must communicate maintenance to the wife—as the head conveys influence to the members. You must not be a drone—and she a drudge! A man in a married estate, is like a chamberlain in an inn—there is knocking for him in every room. Many husbands waste that money in luxury—which should supply their wives necessity! They have neither the piety of a true Christian, nor the love of a true husband. It is a sad spectacle to see a wife in slavery to a bad husband—who keeps her under his fetters.
3. In his covering her INFIRMITIES. "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers." 1 Peter 3:7.
Who would trample upon a jewel—because it had fallen in the dirt? Who would throw away a heap of wheat—for a little chaff mixed in it? Who would disdain a wedge of gold—because it retains a little dross? These roses all have some prickles! Husbands should spread a mantle of charity—over their wives infirmities. It is a great deal better you should fast—than feast yourselves upon their failings. Some husbands are never well—any longer than they are poking their fingers in their wives sores! Such are like beastly crows—which fasten only upon vile carrion. Do not put out the candle—because of a little smoke. Allow a little dross—in your gold! Husbands and wives should provoke one another to love; and they should love one another notwithstanding of provocation. Take heed of poisoning those springs—from whence the streams of your pleasure flow!
4. By his delighting in her SOCIETY. A wife takes sanctuary, not only in her husband's house—but in his heart. The tree of love should grow up in the family—as the tree of life grew up in the garden. Those who choose their love—should love their choice. Those who marry whom they do not love—will love those who they do not marry. Two joined together without love—are but two chained together—only to make one another miserable!
And so I pass to the last portion of the text— A help-meet.
A help—there is her fullness; a meet help—there is her fitness.
The angels were too much above him—the animals were too much below him. He could not step up to the angels—nor could he stoop down to the animals. The angels were out of his reach—the animals were out of his race! But the woman is a parallel-line drawn equal with him. She must be FIT in three things:
1. In the harmony of her DISPOSITION. Husband and wife should be like the image in a looking-glass, which answers in all properties to the face that stands before it. They should be like an echo—which returns the voice it receives. Many marriages are like putting new wine—into old bottles.
An old man is not a fit help for a young woman. He who sets a grey head upon green shoulders—has one foot in the grave, and another in the cradle! Yet how many times do you see the spring of youth wedded to the winter of old age!
A young man is not a fit help for an old woman. Raw flesh is but a bad plaster for rotten bones. He who in his youth marries another in her senility—his lust has one wife in possession—but his love another in reversion.
2. In the heraldry of her CONDITION. Some of our European nations are so strict in their laws, that it is a crime for a commoner to couple with a nobleman.
It was well said by one: "If the wife is too much above her husband—she either ruins him by vast expenses, or reviles him with her base reproaches. If she is too much below her husband—either her former condition makes her too generous, or her present mutation makes her too imperious."
Marriages are styled matches! Yet among the many that are married—how few are there that are matched! Husbands and wives are often like locks and keys—which rather break than open, unless the wards be most congenial.
3. In the holiness of her RELIGION. If adultery may separate a marriage contracted, idolatry may hinder a marriage not perfected. Animals of different kinds—were not to be yoked together. "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" 2 Corinthians 6:14. It is dangerous taking her for a wife—who will not take God for a husband. It is not suitable, that one flesh—should be of two spirits. Is there never a tree you like in the garden—but that which bears forbidden fruit!
There are but two channels, in which the remaining streams shall run.
1. To those men who lack wives—how to choose them.
2. To those women who have husbands—how to use them.
1. To those MEN who lack wives—how to choose them.
Marriage is the tying of such a knot—which nothing but death can unloose! Common reason suggests so much—that we should be long a-doing, that which can only be once done. Where one good marriage plan has been graveled in the sands of delay; thousands of bad marriage plans have been split upon the rock of hastiness. Rash adventures, yield little gain. Marriage opportunities are not like tides, that when one is past, another returns. Take heed of flying—without your wings! A bad marriage may breed such an illness in your bones—which may shake you to your grave!
1. Let me preserve you from a bad choice.
2. Let me present you with a good choice.
1. Let me preserve you from a bad marriage choice. Do not choose a marriage partner, for these three things:
1. Do not choose for beauty.
2. Do not choose for dowry.
3. Do not choose for dignity.
He who looks for beauty—buys a picture.
He who loves for dowry—makes a purchase.
He who leaps for dignity—marries a multitude at once.
He who looks for beauty—is too blind to be directed.
He who loves for dowry—is too base to be accepted.
He who leaps for dignity—is too brash to be respected.
1. He who looks for beauty—chooses by his eyes.
2. He who loves for dowry—chooses by his hands.
3. He who leaps for dignity—chooses by his ears.
1. First, do not choose by your EYES—looking at the beauty of the person. Beauty is not all for which a woman should be beloved. Solomon, who had the choice of many faces—stamps this character upon them all, "Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last!" Proverbs 31:30. The sun is more bright in a clear sky—than when the horizon is clouded. But if a woman's flesh has more of beauty—than her spirit has of piety—it is like poison in pastries—most dangerous! "The sons of God saw that the daughters of men were beautiful, and they married any of them they chose." Genesis 6:2. One would have thought, that they should rather have looked for grace in the heart, than for beauty in the face! Take heed of lodging at the inn with the most colorful signs. The swan has black flesh under her white feathers!
2. Do not choose by your HANDS—for the bounty of the portion. When Cato's wealthy daughter was asked why she did not marry; she replied that she could not find a man who loved her person—above her portion. Men love pretty pictures—but they must have them set in golden frames. Some are so degenerate, as to think any person good enough—who has but goods enough. Take heed—for sometimes the bag and baggage go together! The person should be a figure, and the portion a cipher, which added to her, advances the sum; but alone, the cipher signifies nothing. When Themistocles was to marry off his daughter, two suitors courted her. One was rich—but a fool. The other was wise—but poor. Being asked which of the two he would rather have his daughter marry, he answered, "I much rather she marry a man without money—than money without a man."
3. Do not choose by your EARS—for the dignity of her parentage. A good old stock—may nourish a fruitless branch. There are many children who are not the blessings—but the blemishes of their parents. They are nobly descended—but ignobly minded. Such was Aurelius Atoninus, of who it was said, that he injured his country in nothing—but being the father of such a wicked child. There are many low in their descents—who are high in their deserts. Such was the cobbler's son, who grew to be a famous captain. When a noble upbraided the baseness of his family, the poor man replied, "My nobility begins with me—but your nobility ends with you!"
Piety is a greater honor—than parentage. She is the noblest woman—who is heir of her own deserts—and not the degenerated offspring of another's virtue.
2. I present you with a good choice in three things:
1. Choose such a one as will be subject to your dominion. Take heed of yoking yourselves with untamed heifers.
2. Choose such a one as may sympathize with you in your affliction. Marriage is just like a sea voyage; he who enters into this ship must look to meet with storms and tempests! "Those who marry will face many troubles in this life." 1 Corinthians 7:28. Flesh and trouble married together, whether we marry or not. A bitter cup is too much to be drank by one mouth. A heavy burden is easily carried—by the assistance of other shoulders. Husband and wife should neither be proud flesh—nor dead flesh. You are fellow-members, therefore should have a fellow-feeling. While one stands safe on the shore—the other should pity the other who is tossed on the sea. Sympathy in suffering, is like a dry house on a wet day.
3. Choose such a one as may be serviceable to your salvation. A man may think he has a saint—when he has a devil! Take heed of a harlot who is false to your bed; and of a hypocrite who is false to your God.
2. To those WOMEN who have husbands—how to use them. In two things:
1. Behave towards them with subjection. Let their authority command you—that their praise may commend you. Though you may have your husbands' hearts—yet you must not have their heads. As you will his love—so you should love his will. Until the husband leaves commanding, the wife must never leave obeying. As his injunctions must be lawful—so her subjection must be loyal.
2. Behave towards them with faithfulness. In creation, God made not one woman for many men, nor many women for one man. Every wife should be to her husband, as Eve was to Adam—a whole world of women. And every husband should be to his wife, as Adam was to Eve—a whole world of men. When a river is divided into many channels, the main current starves.
To conclude: Good children are a great blessing—but a good wife is the greatest blessing! He who wants such a good wife—should seek for her. He who has lost such a good wife—should sigh for her. He who enjoys such a good wife—should take pleasure in her.
"The Lord God said—It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Genesis 2:18
15 Marriage Admonitions
(By Legh Richmond)
(Prior to his daughter's marriage, Mr. Richmond put into her hands a paper of directions for her future conduct, which, for simplicity, affection, and sound practical wisdom—may be considered one of the best dowries that a Christian parent could bestow on his child.)
My much-loved daughter,
When your sister Mary left her paternal roof, I gave her a paper of admonitions, which I requested her to read often. I do the same for you, in the form of a friendly string of maxims, to regulate your conduct in your new and very responsible situation.
1. Aim at keeping a devoted heart for God in the least and most common transactions of every hour—as well as in those events which may seem to call the loudest for manifestations of Christian prudence and principle.
2. Pray regularly and frequently, not seldom and occasionally—for grace to live by.
3. Remember the Christian principles and examples of your father's house, and everywhere endeavor to preserve its character, by consistency in conduct, conversation, and temper. Keep in constant recollection—the wise, prudent, and conscientious example of your dear mother.
4. Form no hasty friendship; and none whatever, but such as may promote seriousness of heart, tongue and life.
5. Beware of cheerfulness degenerating into levity. Let no natural vivacity of temper, no occasionally indulged sallies of humor and jocularity—throw a shadow over the exercise of solid principle. Little foolish things give a color to character, and are more easily imitated, than serious and good sentiments.
6. Guard against hasty judgments of character, and above all against uttering hasty opinions, and making remarks to the disparagement of others. Particularly avoid making the errors, failings, faults, or follies of others—the subject of rash and unguarded remarks. Be known for charity, forbearance, and kindness. Be slow to judge—rather than swift to speak.
7. Wherever you are, in the first place, remember that God's eye is upon you; and then imagine also that your husband and father are present. It may be a fanciful—but it is a profitable supposition.
8. Keep Christ's golden rule, "Do unto to others—as you would have them do unto you" in perpetual remembrance. It is the panacea for most of the social evils of life.
9. Be conscientious towards all; friendly with few; confidential with fewer still; strictly intimate with fewest of all.
10. When you think of your father, bear with his infirmities and pardon his faults—but remember his principles and instructions, so far as they have been agreeable to the Word of God.
11. Do not be content with anything short of deep, sincere, diligent, and decided piety.
12. If you and your husband happen to differ in opinion or feeling on any point—remember whom you have promised to love, honor, and obey—and this will settle all things.
13. Of your husband's warm affections towards you, I entertain no doubt—strive to preserve them by daily elevation of character; and not so much by fondness—as by prudence and dignity. May you both learn to raise a home of marital happiness—by mutual wisdom and love.
14. Observe great simplicity and plainness in dress. You should be a pattern to others in this respect. There is a just complaint made of many females who profess to be pious—that they are far too showy and mirthful in their outward apparel. Remember the apostle Peter's injunction, "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."
15. Christ has been made known to you fully and freely; let Christ be your all in all, both now and forever.
Receive my parting advice in love, and be assured, my beloved child, that it comes from the affectionate heart of your dear father.
(An excerpt from a letter from Legh Richmond to one of his daughters)
My dear daughter,
May my dear child be preserved from the defilements of a vain, dangerous, and destroying world. You know not, and I wish you never may know—its snares and corruptions!
I send you the following applications of my sermon on Ephesians 5:15-16, "Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil."
On circumspection of walk, redemption of time, and general sincerity of character:
1. Adhere most scrupulously to Scriptural truth; and labor to preserve the strictest integrity, simplicity, and sincerity.
2. Engage in no pursuit in which you cannot look up unto God, and say, 'Bless me in this, my Father!'
3. Strive to be as kind, forbearing, and forgiving as you can—both to friends and foes. Never speak evil of anyone.
4. Strive to recommend true religion by the courtesy, civility, and humble character of your conduct.
5. Watch against irritation, pride, unkind speaking, and anger—study and promote love.
6. Mortify all lusts, sensuality and sloth.
7. Never speak well of yourself. Keep down pride; let it not be indulged for a moment—but watch against it.
8. Shut out evil imaginations and angry thoughts.
9. Let it be your sole business here to prepare for eternity. Consider every moment of time in that view.
10. Remember that you have to contend with . . .
a legion of devils;
a heart full of deceit and iniquity;
and a world at enmity with God.
11. Pray that you may ever rejoice in the advancement of Christ's kingdom, and the salvation of sinners; and labor in every way to promote these objects.
12. Prayer is the only weapon which can subdue your corruptions, and keep you in close fellowship with God. Cultivate prayer.
The love of Christ is the only safe ground of all motives, and of all conduct. Where this is established, all is well. The life-blood of Christianity then circulates through every vein of the soul; and spiritual health, strength, and purity of mind is the happy result. Fall down upon your knees before God, my dear, praying that He would pour that love into your heart, until it becomes a constraining principle for the government of your thoughts and actions. The love of Christ is the only remedy for all the diseases of the soul.
~ ~ ~ ~
Christian Parenting
by Edward Bickersteth
"These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. You shall teach them diligently to your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." Deuteronomy 6:6-7
"The Lord's curse is on the house of the wicked, but he blesses the home of the righteous." Proverbs 3:33
The republication of Legh Richmond's "Domestic Portraiture" is a favorable opportunity for prefixing a few remarks on Christian education, a most important part of every parent's duty, and the root of innumerable future blessings. In doing this, the writer hopes, in some measure, to concentrate within a short compass, the many truly valuable exhortations and pressing entreaties to his children, by his honored and beloved friend, Mr. Richmond, which this volume contains.
It is common to hear complaints, that the children of pious parents disappoint the expectations which are usually and naturally formed; and it is true that this is too often the case; and that in some instances children piously educated, will, when they break through the restraints of education and habit, become excessively wicked—and they may, even like Eli's and David's children, perish in their wickedness. In these extreme cases, there has probably been either some serious neglect of parental duty, or the formation of unhappy friendships with others. At least, every Christian parent is mute before God under such awful dispensations, and is feelingly alive to the conviction of his own sinfulness.
But, after all, the mass of Christian piety in a country will be found to be in the generation of the pious; and though God shows his own sovereignty in sometimes raising up an eminent instrument of good from among the most wicked, he also shows the riches and the faith fullness of his own promises: "The generation of the upright is blessed." "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it."
It may be of use, briefly to notice some causes of lack of success, and also to touch upon the means of a successful Christian education.
In considering the causes of lack of success, we must first notice the disregard of one of the most important religious principles—a due knowledge of which lies at the root of all success in this work—that all children are by nature born in sin, and are children of wrath. They inherit from their parents, a carnal mind, which is enmity against God. However pious the parent, his nature is corrupt, and descends to his children. From us they derive that nature, and all success in education must be owing to God's blessing our efforts, and giving them his grace, that they may gain dominion over their natural and inbred corruption.
The Christian parent will ever be watchful to detect the workings of this corruption, even in those things which may appear to the eye of the world, pleasing and delightful. That alone which is the fruit of the Spirit—that alone which is superior to nature, will satisfy him. While he will forward and cultivate whatever is lovely and of good report, he will be, above all, anxious, that everything of this kind should proceed from Christian principle, and not from the mere love of human praise.
The indulgence of parents, proceeding from an idolatry of their children, is one of the most common sources of ill-success. This was the ruin of Eli's and of David's children, and it is a cause which is constantly operating in a vast variety of forms; such as indulgence in appetite, in dress, in pleasures, in yielding to any obviously improper requests, and in seeking rather to gratify their present wishes, than to secure their future, their spiritual, and their highest good.
The inconsistencies of Christian parents in their conduct and conversation, have a most pernicious influence over their children. The spirit of the world, the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eye, and the pride of life, manifested by a parent—are eagerly and most naturally imbibed by children. They are creatures of imitation in all things—but they have a natural aptitude in imitating whatever is wrong. The bad tempers, the haughtiness, the self-will of the parents—are very soon indeed, copied by the child. Their admiration of riches, or rank, or talent—naturally engenders similar inordinate views and feelings in their children. Thus, our sins punish us in our offspring.
Improper friendships which children are allowed to form with others, whether of a similar, or of an older age, but especially of the latter—often ruin the best laid plans for education. Children are so soon captivated by delusive and spurious appearances of superior wisdom, and by the vain promises of liberty and pleasure; that one evening spent amidst the fascinations of worldly society, may unsettle and permanently injure their young and inexperienced minds.
Amid the common complaints of lack of success in the bringing up of children, complaints which are often heard from Christian parents—it is pleasant to contemplate those instances which sometimes occur, as in the families of Mr. Richmond, where more gratifying results have been realized.
The inquiry is most interesting, and most important—whence arises this difference?
A customary resource for consolation, and almost for justification, in cases of an unhappy description, is the doctrine of the sovereignty of God.
Often, however, this great and solemn doctrine is brought in as an excuse for parental neglect, when it would be just as reasonable to assign it as an excuse for exposing your child to a pestilence, or for leaving him, in sickness, without medical aid.
The cases above alluded to, and others quite numerous enough to form a rule, and not an exception, show that when certain means are used—the corresponding results may be expected to follow; and that the failure of the parent's hopes—may generally be traced to their own deficiency in their conduct.
In speaking however of means—a word perhaps inadequate—it is desirable to use that word in its utmost extent—to look upon it not merely as comprehending a certain routine of duties, but as embracing the whole obligation of the parent to the child.
The first and main obligation is Love. It is to be feared that the real root of the mischief of which we are speaking, little as it may be suspected, lies in a deficiency here.
Parents are lacking in a deep sense of the real worth and danger of their children's souls! They wish and hope that they may be serious and godly; but it is a sort of faint, ineffectual wish; not that ardent desire, that unceasing anxiety which filled Mr. Richmond's mind; not that love which made Paul exclaim, "My little children, of whom I travail in birth again, until Christ is formed in you."
From these feeble hopes and languid wishes, flow cold and formal prayers, offered as a duty—not as the inmost desire of the soul. There is no wrestling for the children, with the "I will not let you go except you bless me!" of Augustine's mother. Nor are these the prayers of faith; nor can they be expected to bring down blessings—since the promise is, "Whatever you shall ask, believing, you shall receive." They are often offered up from a mere sense of duty, without any expectation, and almost without any sincere desire, that they should be answered. With such weak and faint impressions of heavenly concerns, we may expect to find their children clinging firmly to the world. Just in proportion as the one is undervalued, the other is sure to be overestimated. The interests of the present life are eagerly sought after, the affairs of eternity postponed: hence all manner of temptations creep in.
A Christian parent had once, led by prospects of worldly advancement, placed his son beyond the reach of the public means of grace, and in the midst of manifold temptations. The son was shortly after on a visit to his father; and the parent prayed, in his family worship, that the boy might be preserved, amidst the various perils of his situation. The youth reflected, "Why does my father put me into the devil's mouth—and then pray to God that the devil may not be allowed to swallow me up?" Surely to have occasioned such a reflection from a child, must have been very painful to the parent?
The result of this line of conduct, half-Christian, and half-worldly, is to bring up a race of young people acquainted with the truths of religion, but without any effectual feeling of its power. They are thus in a worse situation than even the more ignorant—since the sound of the gospel can hardly reach the latter without some awakening of the conscience—whereas on the former everything that can be said falls as a mere repetition of what had been fully known for years, but never deeply or effectually felt.
The spirit of Mr. Richmond, then—his fervent love for his children's souls, his never-ceasing concern, his constant watchfulness, his daily and hourly prayers, not of form but of faith—furnish unitedly a model, to which the attention of Christian parents may be most advantageously directed.
Resting in the form of godliness without its life and power—is one of the great dangers to which the church is peculiarly exposed in this day of general profession. And parents had need be very watchful that they do not unawares foster the most dangerous self-deception in their children, by giving them credit for genuine regeneration and conversion, where there has been nothing more than excited natural feelings without any real spiritual change. When the young possess nothing more that what naturally amiable dispositions under religious culture may easily produce, they are soon overset in the rough sea of this world's trials and temptations. Let parents beware of too soon speaking peace and rest to an awakened mind, or a troubled conscience.
The NATURE of a successful Christian education is next to be noticed. And we would not here dwell on subjects which are generally acknowledged, such as prompt obedience and the honoring of parents—but would rather point out things which are too often neglected.
1. The first thing is rightly to know the true foundation of our hopes of success. This is nothing less solid than the sure promises of God's Word, many of which are very precious to a Christian parent's heart. To know rightly this foundation, and humbly and simply to build upon it in the acting out of these promises, which through faith, and prayer, and consistent conduct, patiently waiting on God to fulfill them in his own time—constitute an important first step to successful education.
2. We must join with this a clear view of the only governing cause of success; the free and rich grace of God our Father. All his children are born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man—but of God. Here is the origin, here is the maintaining and continuing strength, here is the final triumph of all our efforts; and to cultivate a habit of constantly looking to, and habitually depending upon God, in daily prayer, in every instruction, and in every plan, formed for our children—is a main principle for obtaining their spiritual good. The faith and prayers of a parent are specially prevalent with our gracious Redeemer—Mark 9. 23, 24.
3. Another important point is, to let our eye be single in seeking primarily their spiritual welfare. An all-directing and controlling principle in education should be, to seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, for our children. This should influence us, as to the place in which we fix them, the company to which we introduce them, the books we wish them to read, the situation we desire for them, and in short, as to everything we do concerning them.
4. The diligent and right use of the means of grace, is a most important help for children—such as daily reading the scriptures, prayer, habits of self-examination, regular attendance on public worship. But besides all these means, the most important, perhaps, is that constant inculcation of divine truth, to which we are so plainly directed in the scriptures, "These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. You shall teach them diligently to your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door-frames of your houses and on your gates." Deuteronomy 6:6-9
Particular instruction of the children by themselves, and a mother's private and individual conversation with them, are also of great import.
5. Discipline is a matter of constant necessity. A well-disciplined child is the best gift which a parent can bestow on his country. While children left to themselves, and with no settled habits of patient and steady application, are likely to be sources of much trouble to their fellow-creatures. Discipline will seek constantly to restrain, check and subdue all that is wrong—or leading to wrong—and to animate and encourage all that is right. Every day brings fresh occasion for its exercise, with regard to appetite, pleasures, temper, coveting the things of others, neglecting duties, disorderly practices, and indeed all the varied events of life.
6. Punishment must not be withheld—but must be varied according to the degree of fault. It is important also that the scale by which we measure the degrees of wrong should be Scriptural. Sins directly against God, and moral faults, such as falsehood, passion, and taking anything that does not belong to them—call for the severest punishment, and should never be passed by without chastisement. While accidents from carelessness, though they may occasion us a serious injury—yet should be visited with a lighter penalty, as not being intentional faults. On the mode of punishment, the reader will find valuable remarks in this volume.
7. Foster and encourage, by wise and Christian approbation, everything that is lovely and excellent. Much may be done in forming the character, by due attention to this—all truth, sincerity, generosity, self-denial, and love to others; all diligence and application in good pursuits—should have the parental smile of favor—as all those things which are opposite to these, should be discouraged by marks of disapprobation.
8. Earnestly watch against seeking great things for your children. Oh! the inexpressible folly of aiming to gain for them, high connections, in classes of society above them; and for this end placing them in situations of danger, that they may form associations with their superiors! What havoc has this made among the children of pious parents! "Do not seek great things" should be our plain rule. "Should you seek great things for yourself? Seek them not!" Jeremiah 45:5.
May God give us grace to attend to these clear directions of his Word. If we trust him, his providence will call our children to those scenes in which they may safely and honorably serve others, and glorify his name; and we shall be preserved from the anguish of seeing them bring reproach on the gospel of Christ.
9. The last thing that I would notice, is our own consistency of conduct, as essential to the full effect of a Christian education. If Christian parents act inconsistently with their blessed principles—if they are irritable, selfish, proud, disorderly, passionate, and covetous, what can be expected—but similarly evil tempers in their children! But if they are poor in spirit, meek, mourning for sin, and hungering and thirsting after righteousness, and possess and manifest the other graces of a Christian, it is an immense auxiliary to all their religious instruction. In fact, it is one just retribution of our evil ways—that our children soon manifest similar evil ways. While on the other hand, an exhibition of holy conduct enforces every pious exhortation, and strengthens every solid principle, which we endeavor to communicate to them.
The Editor adds a little sketch of principles of education, by which he has desired and endeavored that his own conduct should be governed.
Points to be kept in view, in a Christian education.
I. SPIRITUAL Health.
1. Pray for them.
2. Continually instill Christian principles.
3. Act in the spirit of the gospel towards them.
4. Watch over their friendships with others.
5. Teach them to govern their tempers.
6. See that they diligently attend the means of grace.
7. Remember the incessant activity and subtlety of Satan.
II. PHYSICAL Health.
1. Exercise is to be regularly taken.
2. Temperance in diet is to be observed.
3. Things injurious to health, are to be avoided.
4. Early in bed—and early to rise.
III. MENTAL Cultivation.
1. Their minds should not to be too much pressed.
2. Their minds should be strengthened by reading solid books.
3. Habits of reflection should be formed and called forth.
4. See that they understand their lessons.
5. Habits of self-denial should be formed.
6. Useful things should be especially attended to.
IV. MANNERS.
1. Kindness is to run through everything they do: their morals, school, play, walks, behavior to other children and adults.
2. Kindness is to have its true foundation in Christian principle.
3. Kindness to others, is a victory over our natural selfishness.
4. Endeavor to promote the happiness of all around us.
V. TALENTS and Accomplishments.
1. Talents are of a secondary value.
2. Talents should be a means of relaxation.
3. Talents should commend piety to others.
4. Be sure that talents are innocent.
5. Guard against those talents, which will lead them into the world.
VI. The SAVIOR is all in all.
1. In every point—show them Christ. He is the root of spiritual prosperity. He is the Physician of body and soul. He is the Giver of all of our blessings. He is altogether lovely in all his ways. He is full of gifts and full of grace.
2. Let everything turn the mind to Jesus. In every walk, in every lesson, in every event, in every sin, in every mercy—speak of Christ!
3. Let Christ be the sun and the glory of every day.
VII. MEANS.
1. "My grace is sufficient for you."
2. "He will give his Holy Spirit to those who ask."
3. "I am your God, I will strengthen you, yes, I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness."
The Righteous Aren't Always As Bold As A Lion. Lol
10 years ago
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